This hard wiring derives from ancient parts of the brain which act very quickly and, in modern social situations, can grip people in strong emotions and faulty thinking.
One key step for resolving tensions is to set aside time to talk together about assumptions and what led to them, without the push to come to resolution.
We can ask questions like: Could you repeat back what you heard me say?; did you get my reasoning?; Here is what I heard you say, did I get that right?; What are you basing that on?
This is demanding to do in moments when people are gripped by emotion and convictions, especially in the midst of high stakes. It takes a lot of practice--more easily done when tensions are not as high. The rewards are that tensions can be transformed into a process of putting the "puzzle" of complicated situations together and coming to more creative solutions.
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